Overheard at the pub this weekend

Monday, October 2nd, 2006 | Cocktail Hour

Guy: It’s tacky to order an Irish Car Bomb in an Irish pub, right?

Bartender: Generally, yeah. But we do serve them here.

Drunken Girl with Guy: It’s still tacky, though. That’s like going into Iraq and asking for a ‘War on Terror’.

Guy (ignoring girl): I’ll take 3 Irish Car Bombs. **watches bartender pour the shots** Ok. So I’ve never had one of these before. What’s in ‘em?

This was all followed by about 5 minutes of confusion as they tried to figure out if they just drop the shotglass into the Guinness or pour the shot into the Guinness. Eventually, the bartender had to go over and explain it to them. Then they complained it was too strong. Then they ordered another round of them. Then super-drunk girl kept pointing at things in the bar and asking if she could buy them. (“How much for those coffee mugs? I’m totally gonna drop my stepdad’s name. He knows the owner. Ooh. I want this monkey. Maybe they’ll sell me that. Wait — how much for this Guinness glass?”)

*sigh*

I went back to attempting to ignore them, but about 10 minutes later I heard the following: “Do you serve beer in cans here?” followed shortly thereafter by “How about flaming shots?” (Answer to both: No.)

Hey, kids, you’re looking for Water St. It’s about 2 miles west and south of the bar you’re in. No, wait. On second thought, you’ve had enough. Just go home.

6 Comments to Overheard at the pub this weekend

Vidiot
10/3/2006

Vidiot’s Grumpy, Snobbish, Cantankerous Yet Iron-Clad Rules of Drinking:

1. It is absolutely not permitted to order a mixed drink when one doesn’t have the foggiest idea what it contains.

2. It is not permitted to order a drink solely because of its outré or “shocking” name, because it’s illegal in parts of the world, or because it has been set on fire.

3. Beer belongs in a glass.

4. Ice belongs in many fine places, but not in Scotch. (Same deal with soda.)

5. Same deal with soda.

6. Pay no further attention to anyone who uses the phrase “bruise the gin.”

7. If you can legally buy alcohol, you’re too old for drinking games.

8. It is not permitted to drink an alcoholic beverage through a straw.

9. A Martini contains gin and vermouth. It does not contain vodka, sour apples, or chocolate syrup. Those other drinks may be acceptable, but they are not Martinis.

10. A bar that only has plastic disposable shot glasses is one to be avoided.

czeltic girl
10/3/2006

Oh, how I want to get #9 made into law. I was in a place out in DC that had a menu offering “alternative martinis” that had bases in things like tequila, rum, etc. I went off on a 5-minute screed on how the fact that you have put the drink in a martini glass does not make it a martini unless it contains nothing but gin and vermouth. I was very emphatic.

My drinking companions indulged my little rant and then took the menu away from me.

Also, while I wholeheartedly agree with your numbers 3 & 8, if I’m given a beer in a bottle or an iced drink with a straw, I will drink it that way. My front teeth are extremely sensitive to very cold things, so I’m a far happier camper if icy liquids don’t come in contact with them, even if it means bottles & straws.

Vidiot
10/3/2006

I’d be willing to grant a medical exemption in your case. I am nothing if not considerate. ;-)

Beer from bottles can be all right, however drinking from cans is never acceptable.

Vidiot
10/3/2006

oh, and inspired by your emphatic screed:

11.) A martini contains gin and vermouth. Do not waste valuable drinking time by spritzing the gin with vermouth, waving the vermouth bottle around, reciting incantations directed at the vermouth, or other such foofaw. If all you want is a glass of cold gin, simply order accordingly.

(Orange bitters are a fine addition.)

Actually, that leads me to #12:

12.) The use of aromatic bitters in cocktails is heartily encouraged, and in some cases, absolutely required.

czeltic girl
10/3/2006

Vidiot, you are my hero.

drezdn
10/3/2006

I broke Vidiot’s first rule when I first turned 21, I ordered a “Rob Roy” because I thought it was neat that a drink was named after a historical figure. The bartender didn’t know what I was talking about, and neither did I.

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