I have another theory

Thursday, July 26th, 2007 | You Call This News?

Maybe Oscar the cat doesn’t predict death. Maybe he’s a serial killer. A tiny, furry serial killer. They should check the people who died, see if any of them have refused to open cat food cans for him recently.

Update: Yes! Someone made an Oscar lolcat!

Wait — this is going to lead to a dangerous trend in lolnews, isn’t it?

11 Comments to I have another theory

czeltic girl
7/26/2007

Ha!

See — anyone who’s spent time around a cat knows the score.

Sherri
7/26/2007

I’m saying he’s in it for the heated blankets.

Edward Bernays
7/26/2007

I think you have the makings of a fine film. At least a short.

Dad
7/26/2007

Call in a CSI. Check for hairballs…

Johnny Bacardi
7/27/2007

I think Oscar’s really a Grim Reaper

czeltic girl
7/27/2007

JohnnyB — I’m right there with you. I found myself a little disappointed they didn’t name him George.

bb
7/29/2007

Well, well, well.

http://www.lolnews.net/

J
7/30/2007

Oscar has an uncanny resemblance to our kitty, Jigger. Now I’m going to be nervous when he snuggles up at bedtime.

brendan
7/31/2007

Having worked in nursing homes, I know there’s a certain buzz around the place when someone is about to die. Not implausible that a cat would pick up on it I guess.

As for the lolcat Oscar, I managed to get as far as the first comment before the coffee started coming about my nose.

And now the phrase “soulsucking devil kitteh” is stuck in my head for the rest of the day…

John
7/31/2007

I totally stole this from one of my livejournal e-pals, but it’s right up your alley. Hope you get as much of a kick out of it as I think you will:

The Dog’s Diary

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now…..

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