Off-off-off-off-Broadway

Friday, September 7th, 2007 | Life in Czeltistan

Last night’s entertainment at Casa Czelt: A tale of collegiate drunkenness, played out in four acts on our front stoop.

Act 1, 11:45pm: “Dude, I am so on fire.” — Between rounds of grabbing his girlfriend’s breasts and saying such sweet things as “Damn, girl” and “These things are real!”, a young man brags of his baseball prowess and his “at least .300″ batting average to the girlfriend and her roommate.

Act 2, 12:15am: “Wait! I’ll go get my camera!” — A young woman makes the decision she’d rather not proceed on with a night out at the bars without her camera. She tells her friends, “I’ll run home quick and get it.” Rather than observing basic safety practices and walking with her, they instead decide to stand in front of my building and yell such helpful phrases as “Goddamn, hurry up”, “Run!” and “Are you home yet?” (With that last one repeated at least five times during the lady’s run home.) Dialogues while Camera Girl is out of site include, “I’m so gonna take that thing into the bathroom with me” and “I’m just going to make faces at her all night.”

Act 3, 1:30am: “Is this our house?” — Three inebriated young men attempt to ascertain whether this particular block is the block on which they live. Five to seven minutes of loud discussion reveals it likely is not and that — quite possibly — they are actually walking in the wrong direction. One of the three briefly considers a cell phone call to another friend (offstage) to see if that friend might be able to shed some light on their address.

Act 4, 2:25am: “Dude, act like a man.” — A group of seven young men, two without shirts and one other carrying his pants rather than wearing them, take a 10-minute respite in their arduous journey homeward. Four sit in various places on our front stoop and lawn, singing random snippets of pop songs of the last five years. One other attempts to throw up on our tree, but instead finds himself face down on the strip of lawn between the sidewalk and the street. The remaining two cast members struggle to pick him up. They encourage him to walk home by insulting his manhood and imparting helpful wisdom like “Maybe we shouldn’t have had those last couple shots.”

Fin.

Gosh, I love the first week the college kids are back. I really do. (And really, kids, why our stoop? Try the building next door for a change. They have several more stairs and a larger lawn. I’m sure they love good dramatic theatre as much as we do. Also: Can’t some of these conversations be carried on without stopping and sitting down? *sigh*)

9 Comments to Off-off-off-off-Broadway

m@
9/7/2007

Sharpen the Jarts Gladys, those pesky kids are back!

tim
9/7/2007

sorry, but it was no pants thursdays, I was just following the rules. Did you like it when i yelled Wooooohooooo?

drezdn
9/7/2007

It’s stories like this that makes me very glad that my bedroom is far enough from the street that when Wolski’s empties I don’t hear it.

ivan
9/7/2007

Additional Dialogue/Scene

ACT 5 – Similar to the mob scene in the movie ‘A Tale of Two Cities’ (ca. 1935) individuals who are privy to the loud and drunken sounds produced by said characters between 12 midnight and 2:30AM having been awakend by such disturbance of the peace, call the local law enforecemnt agency to bring quiet to the land.

FIN

bb
9/7/2007

This has been a hellish week over on my block, too. Such scintillating conversations. If only my air conditioner wasn’t so loud, I could listen to these pearls all night…

Dad
9/7/2007

“Damn, girl – these things are real! All three of them!”

capt. flummox
9/8/2007

What girl can resist a .300 batting average?

Vidiot
9/8/2007

Sounds like a good use for a paintball gun.

2fs
9/8/2007

What, no random knocking-over of garbage and recycling bins? Those kids are losing their edge: when I was a young drunken idiot, we knew how to disturb the peace. These whippersnappers are too busy with the texting and the iPods to do serious drinking.

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