Notes from a trip to the mall

Saturday, September 6th, 2008 | General

1) The acronym “BOGO” needs updating. It hasn’t been around all that long, but where it used to mean “Buy One, Get One,” it now mostly means “Buy One, Get One Half-Off.” Errm…excuse me, store marketing folks, but shouldn’t that be “BOGOHO?” Just make sure you don’t write that as “BOGO, Ho.” That means something else entirely.

2) Heard two cover songs while shopping: a kind of metal-ish version of Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” (which Miz Christyl points out can’t actually be any worse than the original) and a Sade-meets-feminist-folk-singer version of Bryan Ferry’s “More Than This.” I’m all for people doing whatever they wish with Michael Jackson stuff, but thou shalt not mess with that Ferry song. Made me immediately want to go home and watch the karaoke scene from Lost in Translation. At least Bill Murray’s cover is entertaining.

3) There was a Russian woman in the store with me. She had a totally unruly small child with her. She repeatedly disciplined him in English, to no effect. When she’d had enough of his shenanigan, she wheeled around, grabbed him by the arm and said something to him in Russian. Judging by the look on his face and immediate angelic behavior, I suspect that if I’d been paying better attention, I’d have learned the Russian for “if you don’t knock that off right this second, they’ll never find all the pieces of your corpse.” Damn. I always miss the good stuff.

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