Cute Doctor is not nearly as cute when he’s delivering bad news

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009 | Life in Czeltistan

So I had my appointment with my orthopaedic surgeon today. (Yes, I have an orthopaedic surgeon. Doesn’t everyone? No? Just me?)

First, the good news. The bone is broken in a kind of horseshoe shape, not straight across.

The end.

Now the bad news. The bone on top is broken (which I knew), the tendons on the bottom are pretty tweaked (which I suspected from all the swelling and bruising). This is what the call in medical terms a “bad combo.” (Ok, maybe that’s not a medical term.) He gave me three options:

Option 1: Cast it now for two weeks to help the tendons heal up a bit and the immobilize the bone. Good for the tendons, but the bone isn’t necessarily thrilled with this option. Still, if all goes as well as possible, everything heals up the way it should, I spend some more time in a sling after the cast is off and then do physical therapy. If all doesn’t go so well, they do surgery to repair/replace the broken off end of the bone. (Note: This option will actually sound good later.)

Option 2: Surgery now to put pins in the bone.

Option 3: Surgery now to replace the broken tip of the bone with a metal replacement doohickey (that one is also not a medical term).

Since options 2 and 3 involve a 100% chance surgery and of making airport security screenings even more of a pain in the ass (and who knew that was possible?), I went with option 1.

So now I wait, try to figure out how to do things with even less mobility, and send vibes to my little nanobots to do the best repair job possible. I’m rockin’ another black exoskeleton while I do that. Pain in the ass for getting dressed and showering, but I can knock people’s teeth out with almost no effort if I need to. Don’t get a lot of call for that, but it’s good to be prepared.

So that’s all the updates on this that I have for probably the next two weeks. Thanks to everyone for offers of help (and drinking). I’m ok on my own so far and this hasn’t really affected my day-to-day mobility, but I’ll holler if I need you. And since so many people keep asking: No, I’m not in pain. The swollen parts are tender, but I’m fine. Thank you for your concern, but please stop asking. I have a very high pain tolerance, so I’m pretty rarely in pain that needs asking after. If I am, you won’t need to ask. It’ll be really obvious. :) (Sorry. Just getting tired of answering the same questions day after day.)

Anyhoo… go, nanobots! Mama needs a metal-free arm. (Which reminds me, where’s my damn resurrection ship? This Cylon thing is supposed to have perks.)

Oh, and I’ll have a few more pix to post tonight — casting process, evil sidewalk shots so y’all can see how treacherous it is.

11 Comments to Cute Doctor is not nearly as cute when he’s delivering bad news

J
2/4/2009

Foo. Good luck!

mowokyboy
2/4/2009

We can send over a number of crews of teenage boys to help you wash; they can do it in exchange for volunteer hours.

czeltic girl
2/4/2009

Sooooo not into younger guys, especially not under-18s.

John
2/4/2009

When this is all done, you should give that sidewalk a big elbow-drop off the top rope, Macho Man style.

v'ron
2/4/2009

Of course you have a high pain tolerance. That’s the hockey for you.

I hear tell you have a black cast. That’s really badass.

mom
2/4/2009

bummer – I thought this was going to much easier for you. What about crazy glue?

2fs
2/4/2009

Resurrection ship? That’s so S4.0…

Option 4 was, I assume, to get rid of the offending arm, burn it, and install a new mechanical arm with multiple high-tech attachments, including machine gun and a tiny nuke.

Or is that only what Dick Cheney’s getting?

Miriam
2/4/2009

Good gravy! I hope (for its sake) it’s not the same sidewalk as before. What size shoe do you wear? I’m sending you some YaxTrax. …and maybe some OsteoBiflexNo ressurection ship, but I dunno if it works for that anyway.

Miriam
2/4/2009

Oh I forgot, a hot podiatrist in Madison I can point you to… Not that that’s much good right now. Oh well. Go with what you know!

Ivan & Pat
2/4/2009

!! GADS !!

Sorry to hear of your accident!

:(

We are ’sending warm wishes’ for your recovery
:)

chuck rampart
2/6/2009

I don’t know what it says about a world where the first thought you have after “metal pins” is airport security, but that’s exactly where my mind went, too. Your logic in choosing the option, btw, seems flawless to me.

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